He saunters into the store looking like a cowboy from America, that is, if you can ignore the beer belly hanging over the top of his crusted up old black denim jeans, the three plugger cheap rubber thongs on his feet and the look of a months long unwashed body. But upon this man's head is a ?? 5 gallon hat ?? Not an Aussie Akubra or even an Akubra knock-off, but a genuine American cowboy hat, and when I say upon his head, I mean ON his head, not fitting down properly to the ears, but perched upon his unruly, dirty mop of black hair. I swear if I didn't work alone I would have been placing bets on how long it would stay on his head whilst he leant down to view stock.
Mr Wanna-Be Cowboy walks down one of the aisles with a dvd case in hand, and loudly asks (whilst still about 10 metres away from me) "A few questions about these movies" I wait until he gets to the counter because I am buggered if I am going to yell from half a store away to him. "What would you like to know?" "Uh can I buy em?" "Yes sir you may purchase anything you like, everything but myself is for sale in this shop" What I would have liked to say; "No dickhead, they are our Christmas decorations, put the bloody thing back before I call the cops, for fuck sake, of course you can buy them, they are not there just to give you guys a thrill by looking at them" But of course I didn't say that.
Mr Wanna-Be Cowboy then says"Well how much are they?" "All the prices are on the back of the cases sir, every dvd has a price on it" SMILE. Oh god I am being pleasant again!
"Alright, ummm I will take this one, and go have a look for some more"
Oh gooody, he has picked the cheapest dvd in the store, not holding out any hopes of getting a good sale from this guy? Finally he makes his purchase of 3 cheap dvd's and swaggers out of the store with his crappy fake cowboy hat wobbling atop his dirty head, oh please please please, let there be a strong wind outside :)
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
No We Don't
Not sure how to write this post without sounding racist or xenophobic, but I am going to give it a try, (hell there probably isn't even anyone reading this anyway)
Had a gentleman come in to the store today, English was very obviously his second language. He asked me something, well mumbled it really and here is how the conversation went;
Me: "I'm sorry Sir, I didn't catch that"
Him: "Where I watch CD?"
Me: "CD? You mean DVD, movie?"
Him: "Yes, where I watch CD?"
Me: "Sorry Sir we don't have anywhere that you can watch a movie, you can buy one and take it home with you"
Him: "You got cheap CD's?"
Me: Yes, if you head straight down this aisle here, you will see our sale section, the cheapest ones are $10.00"
Him: "OK"
Said customer wanders off down to the sale section, glances over the cases then wanders into the internet booth. Uh oh here he comes again.
Him: "I watch CD in there?"
Me: No sorry, they are internet booths, computers, for going on the internet"
Him: "But I can watch a CD?"
Me: "In the internet booth you can put your money in and then watch a video clip, there are lots and lots of video clips on there or you can go to any website you want"
Him: "So I can buy CD and watch it in there?"
(Are you banging your head yet? Mine just decided to float free at this stage and I think it was watching pretty twinkling Christmas lights)
Me: "No Sir, there is absolutely nowhere in this store that you can watch a CD or a DVD, sorry"
The man then proceeded to stand in front of me and so god help me, if he opened his mouth again to ask where he could watch a CD, I was going to grab the one I had playing music behind me and ram it down his throat. He started to speak and before he got a chance I gave him directions to another store that I knew had a movie viewing booth, hell I even drew him a map! All he got from me after that was a huge smile as he was leaving the store to become someone else's problem.
C.D???
Had a gentleman come in to the store today, English was very obviously his second language. He asked me something, well mumbled it really and here is how the conversation went;
Me: "I'm sorry Sir, I didn't catch that"
Him: "Where I watch CD?"
Me: "CD? You mean DVD, movie?"
Him: "Yes, where I watch CD?"
Me: "Sorry Sir we don't have anywhere that you can watch a movie, you can buy one and take it home with you"
Him: "You got cheap CD's?"
Me: Yes, if you head straight down this aisle here, you will see our sale section, the cheapest ones are $10.00"
Him: "OK"
Said customer wanders off down to the sale section, glances over the cases then wanders into the internet booth. Uh oh here he comes again.
Him: "I watch CD in there?"
Me: No sorry, they are internet booths, computers, for going on the internet"
Him: "But I can watch a CD?"
Me: "In the internet booth you can put your money in and then watch a video clip, there are lots and lots of video clips on there or you can go to any website you want"
Him: "So I can buy CD and watch it in there?"
(Are you banging your head yet? Mine just decided to float free at this stage and I think it was watching pretty twinkling Christmas lights)
Me: "No Sir, there is absolutely nowhere in this store that you can watch a CD or a DVD, sorry"
The man then proceeded to stand in front of me and so god help me, if he opened his mouth again to ask where he could watch a CD, I was going to grab the one I had playing music behind me and ram it down his throat. He started to speak and before he got a chance I gave him directions to another store that I knew had a movie viewing booth, hell I even drew him a map! All he got from me after that was a huge smile as he was leaving the store to become someone else's problem.
C.D???
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
How can I help?
It's a Wednesday afternoon and I am just about ready to start the long process of closing up the store when two ladies wander in. I let them know quite pleasantly that I will be closing the store soon, they accept this equally pleasantly (not like the blokes that come in the store and get crapped off if they think they can't get their porn)
After five minutes of watching the women walk around the store I go and ask them if I can help, one of the ladies says she is looking for a couple of dvd's in particular. I ask if she knows the titles of said videos, meanwhile I am almost fainting as she is wearing the most cloying perfume, actually I don't think she is wearing it, I think it is wearing her!!!!!!! She doesn't know the title, but the picture on the front has two guys on it. Oh goody, we have narrowed it down to about 300 possible choices now, the other one has a picture of a woman sitting on a bed........oh even better, that narrows it down to about 1000 choices, plus the other 300 choices of the first one. The brick wall out the back is looking exceeding more inviting than the prospect of looking through every single dvd on the shelf (of which there are about 4000) I tell the lady that it doesn't sound familiar (the guy one) and that the other one could be one of about a million, perhaps if she can find the title of the movie? I finally leave her to keep searching through the multitudes of dvd's and finish closing up the shop. Five minutes past closing time and I very nicely ask the ladies to leave, locking the front door behind them, then scraping myself up off the floor gasping and coughing whilst trying in vain to draw breath into my lungs that isn't contaminated with that god awful perfume!
All in a days work really :)
After five minutes of watching the women walk around the store I go and ask them if I can help, one of the ladies says she is looking for a couple of dvd's in particular. I ask if she knows the titles of said videos, meanwhile I am almost fainting as she is wearing the most cloying perfume, actually I don't think she is wearing it, I think it is wearing her!!!!!!! She doesn't know the title, but the picture on the front has two guys on it. Oh goody, we have narrowed it down to about 300 possible choices now, the other one has a picture of a woman sitting on a bed........oh even better, that narrows it down to about 1000 choices, plus the other 300 choices of the first one. The brick wall out the back is looking exceeding more inviting than the prospect of looking through every single dvd on the shelf (of which there are about 4000) I tell the lady that it doesn't sound familiar (the guy one) and that the other one could be one of about a million, perhaps if she can find the title of the movie? I finally leave her to keep searching through the multitudes of dvd's and finish closing up the shop. Five minutes past closing time and I very nicely ask the ladies to leave, locking the front door behind them, then scraping myself up off the floor gasping and coughing whilst trying in vain to draw breath into my lungs that isn't contaminated with that god awful perfume!
All in a days work really :)
Monday, December 14, 2009
Uneventful Monday
Well Monday was rather uneventful. Sold a guy a vibrator, it was for his wife. Poor man had no idea what to get and was down the aisle for quite a while. I did ask him if he needed a hand, but he said he wanted to get her something a little different than what she already had and that she had already burnt out her last two! Now a couple of questions spring to mind here, was she using them correctly? And why the hell is she using them so much they burn out? For gods sake man, try sleeping with your wife once in a while then maybe you wont have to buy her a $75 vibrator!
All this is in my head though, oh how I wish I could just say it :)
So that was all I have to report about for my uneventful Monday :)
All this is in my head though, oh how I wish I could just say it :)
So that was all I have to report about for my uneventful Monday :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
A Day Off
It is Sunday today, I, luckily enough, don't work Sundays. So I will tell you another weird but true story.
It's a weekday (quite a few months ago) and a bloke comes in, probably aged in his early to mid twenties, fairly tall chappy, in his work clothes which looked like construction, grubby looking dreadlocks. Well this young chappy wanders around the store looking at the dvd's, nothing unusual so far except for the fact that he is now performing one of my pet peeves, he is turning all the dvd's over to read the backs, that in itself is not my peeve, he is doing it whilst they are still on the shelf and leaving them like that, back to front arrrrrrrrgh. Yes my son, I was put upon this earth, in this job just to tidy up after you, you lazy so and so. I digress, sorry.
This young chappy has turned over at least 30 dvd's, and is standing in front of the shelf reading them, a glance at the CCTV camera screen and I notice something a little unusual, I lean forward towards the screen to get a better look, I have to be sure that what I am seeing is really what is happening. IT IS!!!!! The young chappy has pulled down the front of his pants and is in the process of giving his little fella a bit of freedom, oh hang on, he is now proceeding to choke the poor little thing! I better put an end to this before someone gets hurt. Plus, I don't really fancy cleaning up some dirty little turds cum stains off the bloody walls, shelves and carpet!
Going halfway down the store towards him very quietly, wishing I had remembered to bring the scissors with me so I could chop his bloody fingers off, I said "Hey matey, look to your left, then look to your right lots of bloody cameras in here, you better put that thing away before it makes it's way onto youtube for everyone to laugh at". Quickly and sheepishly he pulls up his pants and bolts for the door. I know what you are thinking, could have used a better line than that, and you would be right! I spent the rest of the day thinking of all the woulda shoulda couldas. But........such is life huh? I did okay on the spur of the moment, and who knows, if he ever shows his face in the shop again....................I might just put him on youtube and let him watch :)
It's a weekday (quite a few months ago) and a bloke comes in, probably aged in his early to mid twenties, fairly tall chappy, in his work clothes which looked like construction, grubby looking dreadlocks. Well this young chappy wanders around the store looking at the dvd's, nothing unusual so far except for the fact that he is now performing one of my pet peeves, he is turning all the dvd's over to read the backs, that in itself is not my peeve, he is doing it whilst they are still on the shelf and leaving them like that, back to front arrrrrrrrgh. Yes my son, I was put upon this earth, in this job just to tidy up after you, you lazy so and so. I digress, sorry.
This young chappy has turned over at least 30 dvd's, and is standing in front of the shelf reading them, a glance at the CCTV camera screen and I notice something a little unusual, I lean forward towards the screen to get a better look, I have to be sure that what I am seeing is really what is happening. IT IS!!!!! The young chappy has pulled down the front of his pants and is in the process of giving his little fella a bit of freedom, oh hang on, he is now proceeding to choke the poor little thing! I better put an end to this before someone gets hurt. Plus, I don't really fancy cleaning up some dirty little turds cum stains off the bloody walls, shelves and carpet!
Going halfway down the store towards him very quietly, wishing I had remembered to bring the scissors with me so I could chop his bloody fingers off, I said "Hey matey, look to your left, then look to your right lots of bloody cameras in here, you better put that thing away before it makes it's way onto youtube for everyone to laugh at". Quickly and sheepishly he pulls up his pants and bolts for the door. I know what you are thinking, could have used a better line than that, and you would be right! I spent the rest of the day thinking of all the woulda shoulda couldas. But........such is life huh? I did okay on the spur of the moment, and who knows, if he ever shows his face in the shop again....................I might just put him on youtube and let him watch :)
*SIGH*
Well nothing really of note to tell about this shift unfortunately, doesn't look like a very good start does it? I would dig into the memory vault for you, but it is late and I am tired, my brain is fried and the will is weak. So for this little post, accept my apologies and I promise that the juicy stuff will flow soon :)
Thanks for reading
Thanks for reading
Friday, December 11, 2009
Just another day OR (Where can I try this on?)
Well here I am at my place of employment. I walked in here an hour ago to a shift change and there was only one customer here and he was in one of the internet booths and he has only just left now :) Looks like he enjoyed himself as the bin is full of used tissues uuurgggg! Not sure how long he had been in there before I got here, but as I said, I have been here an hour now,so...........
As this is a night time shift, you can get the strangest people in, even stranger than usual! Not to mention it is the lead up to Christmas and the quest to buy people something weird and wacky is alive and kicking, we may just have a..... I want to say interesting, but that doesn't seem the right word, let's try entertaining night :)
While I am awaiting my next customer I shall relay to you one of my previous "entertaining" customers. Believe me some of these experiences are going to remain with me for life.
Opening the shop one morning and there is a very affable older gent outside asking how much longer until I open. I replied that it would only be about 10 minutes. As it was I got the door open about five minutes early for him. He headed directly to the lingerie aisle and after perusing the selection for a few moments he came to the counter with a rather attractive red and black lacy bra. AH! I thought, buying a gift for the lovely woman in his life. I can honestly tell you that this older gent's eyes were sparkling. Before I could say a word to him he asked, quite calmly "Where can I try this on?" I am very proud of myself with the way I handled this situation. I told him that unfortunately we don't have any fitting rooms but he was quite welcome to use the internet booths to try it on. Of he strides to the booths, I watching him on the CCTV cameras the whole way. At this point I am kind of stunned, but not too perturbed by it. A little unusual maybe, but hell I have seen and heard worse (more stories to come lol) The older gent was in the booths about 5 minutes and then came strolling back to the counter. I had been a little preoccupied with a phone call to notice him departing the booths. I ended the phone call and completely thinking he had put the bra back into stock nearly hit the floor when he handed me the tag and said "It's lovely, I'll take it" It took me about 10 seconds to realize that he was wearing the bra! I rang up the sale, gave him a very nice smile and he thanked me profusely for the service I had given him and let out a very unmanly giggle as he then told me how naughty he felt. And then he left.
It took me a while to process completely what had just happened. My head was screaming OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. These are the moments when it REALLY sucks to work on your own. :)
As this is a night time shift, you can get the strangest people in, even stranger than usual! Not to mention it is the lead up to Christmas and the quest to buy people something weird and wacky is alive and kicking, we may just have a..... I want to say interesting, but that doesn't seem the right word, let's try entertaining night :)
While I am awaiting my next customer I shall relay to you one of my previous "entertaining" customers. Believe me some of these experiences are going to remain with me for life.
Opening the shop one morning and there is a very affable older gent outside asking how much longer until I open. I replied that it would only be about 10 minutes. As it was I got the door open about five minutes early for him. He headed directly to the lingerie aisle and after perusing the selection for a few moments he came to the counter with a rather attractive red and black lacy bra. AH! I thought, buying a gift for the lovely woman in his life. I can honestly tell you that this older gent's eyes were sparkling. Before I could say a word to him he asked, quite calmly "Where can I try this on?" I am very proud of myself with the way I handled this situation. I told him that unfortunately we don't have any fitting rooms but he was quite welcome to use the internet booths to try it on. Of he strides to the booths, I watching him on the CCTV cameras the whole way. At this point I am kind of stunned, but not too perturbed by it. A little unusual maybe, but hell I have seen and heard worse (more stories to come lol) The older gent was in the booths about 5 minutes and then came strolling back to the counter. I had been a little preoccupied with a phone call to notice him departing the booths. I ended the phone call and completely thinking he had put the bra back into stock nearly hit the floor when he handed me the tag and said "It's lovely, I'll take it" It took me about 10 seconds to realize that he was wearing the bra! I rang up the sale, gave him a very nice smile and he thanked me profusely for the service I had given him and let out a very unmanly giggle as he then told me how naughty he felt. And then he left.
It took me a while to process completely what had just happened. My head was screaming OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. These are the moments when it REALLY sucks to work on your own. :)
Welcome to my weird blog. :)
Let me introduce you to my work to start with. I work in an adult store where we sell X-rated dvd's, vibrators, butt plugs, anal toys, dildos, MASSIVE dildos, lingerie, dirty magazines, pocket pussies, larger fake pussies. Are you with me so far? Because this is only a small sample of what we sell. We also have internet viewing booths with unrestricted access for those who either cant use the computer at home, can't afford a computer, can't afford to buy a porno, or cant use the work computer to access porn. (This is my least favourite part of the job....but more details on that later)
Now to introduce myself a little better, I am a grumpy old bag so most of my thoughts towards the "customers" are not always kind. But usually these are just thoughts.
As a little something to whet your appetite, my day usually includes; guys going into the booths and turning the sound up so high that all you can hear through the whole shop is AHHHH AHHHH OOOOHHH OOOOHHH YES YES YES. This gets on my nerves no end I can tell you. Then there is the crusty, filthy (in mind not body, well not usually body) sickening old geezers who buy the teeny movies (DEFINITELY not underage girls all 18 and above, but young enough to be their granddaughter ICK) These men usually make me feel like vomiting. Not too bad if you are 20 or 30 something, but 60, 70 or 80 something, it is just downright sickening.
My most favourite customer is the shy ladies that come in to buy their first vibrator, I know I shouldn't find this amusing but...............hell it is and when I get one come into the store you can be sure I am going to write about it :)
I am presently writing this introduction from home, but hopefully my shift at work today will bring you some enjoyment :)
Let me introduce you to my work to start with. I work in an adult store where we sell X-rated dvd's, vibrators, butt plugs, anal toys, dildos, MASSIVE dildos, lingerie, dirty magazines, pocket pussies, larger fake pussies. Are you with me so far? Because this is only a small sample of what we sell. We also have internet viewing booths with unrestricted access for those who either cant use the computer at home, can't afford a computer, can't afford to buy a porno, or cant use the work computer to access porn. (This is my least favourite part of the job....but more details on that later)
Now to introduce myself a little better, I am a grumpy old bag so most of my thoughts towards the "customers" are not always kind. But usually these are just thoughts.
As a little something to whet your appetite, my day usually includes; guys going into the booths and turning the sound up so high that all you can hear through the whole shop is AHHHH AHHHH OOOOHHH OOOOHHH YES YES YES. This gets on my nerves no end I can tell you. Then there is the crusty, filthy (in mind not body, well not usually body) sickening old geezers who buy the teeny movies (DEFINITELY not underage girls all 18 and above, but young enough to be their granddaughter ICK) These men usually make me feel like vomiting. Not too bad if you are 20 or 30 something, but 60, 70 or 80 something, it is just downright sickening.
My most favourite customer is the shy ladies that come in to buy their first vibrator, I know I shouldn't find this amusing but...............hell it is and when I get one come into the store you can be sure I am going to write about it :)
I am presently writing this introduction from home, but hopefully my shift at work today will bring you some enjoyment :)
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