The Man In The Hat

He saunters into the store looking like a cowboy from America, that is, if you can ignore the beer belly hanging over the top of his crusted up old black denim jeans, the three plugger cheap rubber thongs on his feet and the look of a months long unwashed body. But upon this man's head is a ?? 5 gallon hat ?? Not an Aussie Akubra or even an Akubra knock-off, but a genuine American cowboy hat, and when I say upon his head, I mean ON his head, not fitting down properly to the ears, but perched upon his unruly, dirty mop of black hair. I swear if I didn't work alone I would have been placing bets on how long it would stay on his head whilst he leant down to view stock.
Mr Wanna-Be Cowboy walks down one of the aisles with a dvd case in hand, and loudly asks (whilst still about 10 metres away from me) "A few questions about these movies" I wait until he gets to the counter because I am buggered if I am going to yell from half a store away to him. "What would you like to know?" "Uh can I buy em?" "Yes sir you may purchase anything you like, everything but myself is for sale in this shop" What I would have liked to say; "No dickhead, they are our Christmas decorations, put the bloody thing back before I call the cops, for fuck sake, of course you can buy them, they are not there just to give you guys a thrill by looking at them" But of course I didn't say that.
Mr Wanna-Be Cowboy then says"Well how much are they?" "All the prices are on the back of the cases sir, every dvd has a price on it" SMILE. Oh god I am being pleasant again!
"Alright, ummm I will take this one, and go have a look for some more"
Oh gooody, he has picked the cheapest dvd in the store, not holding out any hopes of getting a good sale from this guy? Finally he makes his purchase of 3 cheap dvd's and swaggers out of the store with his crappy fake cowboy hat wobbling atop his dirty head, oh please please please, let there be a strong wind outside :)

No We Don't

Not sure how to write this post without sounding racist or xenophobic, but I am going to give it a try, (hell there probably isn't even anyone reading this anyway)
Had a gentleman come in to the store today, English was very obviously his second language. He asked me something, well mumbled it really and here is how the conversation went;
Me: "I'm sorry Sir, I didn't catch that"
Him: "Where I watch CD?"
Me: "CD? You mean DVD, movie?"
Him: "Yes, where I watch CD?"
Me: "Sorry Sir we don't have anywhere that you can watch a movie, you can buy one and take it home with you"
Him: "You got cheap CD's?"
Me: Yes, if you head straight down this aisle here, you will see our sale section, the cheapest ones are $10.00"
Him: "OK"
Said customer wanders off down to the sale section, glances over the cases then wanders into the internet booth. Uh oh here he comes again.
Him: "I watch CD in there?"
Me: No sorry, they are internet booths, computers, for going on the internet"
Him: "But I can watch a CD?"
Me: "In the internet booth you can put your money in and then watch a video clip, there are lots and lots of video clips on there or you can go to any website you want"
Him: "So I can buy CD and watch it in there?"
(Are you banging your head yet? Mine just decided to float free at this stage and I think it was watching pretty twinkling Christmas lights)
Me: "No Sir, there is absolutely nowhere in this store that you can watch a CD or a DVD, sorry"
The man then proceeded to stand in front of me and so god help me, if he opened his mouth again to ask where he could watch a CD, I was going to grab the one I had playing music behind me and ram it down his throat. He started to speak and before he got a chance I gave him directions to another store that I knew had a movie viewing booth, hell I even drew him a map! All he got from me after that was a huge smile as he was leaving the store to become someone else's problem.
C.D???

How can I help?

It's a Wednesday afternoon and I am just about ready to start the long process of closing up the store when two ladies wander in. I let them know quite pleasantly that I will be closing the store soon, they accept this equally pleasantly (not like the blokes that come in the store and get crapped off if they think they can't get their porn)
After five minutes of watching the women walk around the store I go and ask them if I can help, one of the ladies says she is looking for a couple of dvd's in particular. I ask if she knows the titles of said videos, meanwhile I am almost fainting as she is wearing the most cloying perfume, actually I don't think she is wearing it, I think it is wearing her!!!!!!! She doesn't know the title, but the picture on the front has two guys on it. Oh goody, we have narrowed it down to about 300 possible choices now, the other one has a picture of a woman sitting on a bed........oh even better, that narrows it down to about 1000 choices, plus the other 300 choices of the first one. The brick wall out the back is looking exceeding more inviting than the prospect of looking through every single dvd on the shelf (of which there are about 4000) I tell the lady that it doesn't sound familiar (the guy one) and that the other one could be one of about a million, perhaps if she can find the title of the movie? I finally leave her to keep searching through the multitudes of dvd's and finish closing up the shop. Five minutes past closing time and I very nicely ask the ladies to leave, locking the front door behind them, then scraping myself up off the floor gasping and coughing whilst trying in vain to draw breath into my lungs that isn't contaminated with that god awful perfume!
All in a days work really :)

Uneventful Monday

Well Monday was rather uneventful. Sold a guy a vibrator, it was for his wife. Poor man had no idea what to get and was down the aisle for quite a while. I did ask him if he needed a hand, but he said he wanted to get her something a little different than what she already had and that she had already burnt out her last two! Now a couple of questions spring to mind here, was she using them correctly? And why the hell is she using them so much they burn out? For gods sake man, try sleeping with your wife once in a while then maybe you wont have to buy her a $75 vibrator!
All this is in my head though, oh how I wish I could just say it :)
So that was all I have to report about for my uneventful Monday :)